Towards the end of 2005, I had a profound experience. After the fit of incoherence at Desai’s clinic, I was apprehensive about staying in hostel and wanted the comfort of home. I told this to Anil, my roommate. He asked me to give him a treat before I left (he really loved his food!). We went to US Pizza, an eating point, one evening. I had come there for the sake of Anil and had no appetite myself.
As I was sitting there, I felt my consciousness rising as a powerful current up my body towards my skull. I felt immense lightness of being. Gradually my individual identity melted away. I was aware of profound peace and pure being- a lightness which was soothing and immensely relaxing – but there was no sense of individuated identity. It’s impossible to put it in words. Being was but I was nowhere. Consciousness was but there was nobody who was conscious. Awareness existed free of time, space, sex, age or any other encumbrance. It was profoundly peaceful. I was free from ‘myself’ – from my clutter of life-experiences, hopes and fears, thoughts and the usual psychological process. The body was extraordinarily light, almost non-existent and the mind was in abeyance. There was no sense of a self distinct from the environment and no ego. However awareness was profound. And freedom was immense. It was the defining moment of my life.