Tamas

"The sattva is pure and strong always. It is like the sun. It may seem obscured by clouds and dust, but only from the point of view of the perceiver. Deal with the causes of obscuration, not with the sun."

"Be aware of them ( Tamas and Rajas) in operation, watch their expressions in your thoughts, words and deeds, and gradually their grip on you will lessen and the clear light of sattva will emerge. It is neither difficult, nor a protracted process; earnestness is the only condition of success."

At times I feel I'm befooling myself with empty words and shallow actions. It seems my contemplation is the meditation of a crane. I am trying to run away from myself but there aren't much avenues left. I have had some blessed experiences but there was severe resistance to them from something primitive within me. I know I am effulgent with bliss for I have experienced it but there is also something gross and dark in me; a pygmy lost in his insignificance. Yet the pygmy obstructs the sun by turning away from it and looking only at its petty shadow. Tamas seems strong and hard to conquer and though it is dissolved the moment effulgence shines, it creeps its ugly way with tenacity and gradually obscures the light again.
If my life is full of contradictions and debacles, its just a shadow of human waking existence in general which has nothing great to recommend itself. However the essence behind the mundane is all too beautiful. Its the obstructions that have to be understood and to understand them is to be free from them, once and forever.